I was never chosen last in gym class. I was often the chooser, the first one picked, or at least the first girl. I was althletic, a cheerleader - encourager for the team, and likable. I never knew what it felt like to stand on the sidelines, waiting for my name to be called - until now.Why does my husband always choose me last? I should be a first round draft pick, instead I am left waiting for my name to be called. Waiting for him to notice that I am still sitting on the sideline. Wanting to be first in his life, and realizing I may never will be.
What do his friends, his activities, and our daughter have that I don't? Why does he always choose them over me? Why does he see me as the looser, picking my nose as I wait for him to call my name?
Once again, I watch this game of life from the sideline, not feeling as if I am a part of his life. Am I supposed to cheer for him from out in the bleachers, or swear at him under my breath?
How do I glorify God from this subsidiary position in his life?
1) Remind myself who I am in Christ - through scripture
I have a tendancy to practice lots of negative self talk. When my husband leaves me out of his life, I tell myself there is something wrong with me. I am not worthy of being loved. I don't deserve to be chosen first. I'm failing as a wife. I must remind myself who I am in Christ.
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed me with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as He choose me in Him before the foundation of the world that I would be holy and blameless before Him." Eph. 1:3 - 4
God chose and continues to choose me.
2) Pray - for my attitude and behavior
Being chosen last, makes me spiral from feelings of hurt, to anger, to depression.
"I am laid low in the dust; perserve my life accourding to Your word.My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to Your word." Ps. 119:25 & 28
3) Pray for my husband
I don't believe his actions are godly. I want the best for him, and the best is always putting God first. I believe if he would choose God first, I would be the second round draft pick, and not the last or the one not chosen.
"Lord, I know my husband has forgotten his first love - You. Show him from where he has fallen, show him his need to repent, and how he needs to do the deeds he did when he was truely in love with You." (based on Rev. 2: 3-4)
4) Blog
Duh. When I write down my thoughts, I have a chance to work through the negative feelings and they don't come out of my mouth like vomit all over my husband. Yes - I have thrown-up my anger and frustration on him many a time, but all it leaves is a bad taste in my mouth, and gives him sour feelings towards me.
Once again, I am trying to crawl out of the sinking sand and stand on solid ground. I need to realize that even when I am not chosen first by my husband, I have already been chosen by the Lord. I am on the winning team.
